[Biblemat] S:> Handling Conflict

[Ethan R. Longhenry]

http://www.deusvitae.com/faith/outlines/index.html

                          Handling Conflict

I. Introduction
   A. As long as humans have interacted, there has been conflict
      1. It does not matter the size of the group
      2. A marriage, a family, an organization, a company, or even 
         a government or a country!
      3. Whenever you have more than one human being involved, you 
         will have matters of disagreement
   B. Part of the human makeup
      1. After all, God made us all to be different in many ways 
         (Romans 12:3-8, 1 Peter 4:10-11)
      2. Difference has its value: our differing strengths and 
         weaknesses can complement one another!
      3. But difference means that there will be differences of 
         perspective and opinion on various matters
   C. The question is not if, but when!
      1. We can seek to end every kind of conflict, but this is 
         unlikely
      2. We do better to consider how we should handle conflicts 
         when they arise so that the end result will involve the 
         encouragement of souls and the edification of the 
         Kingdom!
   D. God recognizes that we will have conflict, and has provided 
      means by which we can resolve them
   E. Let us consider from the Scriptures how to resolve conflict

II. Conflict and the Scriptures
   A. What is conflict?
      1. A striking or dashing against each other, as of two moving 
         bodies in opposition; a fighting; combat; Contention; strife; 
         contest; Struggling with difficulties; a striving to oppose, 
         or overcome; A struggling of the mind; distress; anxiety; 
         Opposing operations; countervailing action; collision; 
         opposition (Webster's)
      2. We recognize that when there is clear disagreement, and both 
         parties contend with each other, conflict is present
      3. Yet when there is a mental struggle with another (for 
         whatever reason), even if the other person is not made 
         aware of it, conflict is still really present!
   B. God has spoken many times regarding conflicts
   C. Matthew 5:23-24
      1. Context: a man in the midst of conflict
      2. Jesus tells him to first go reconcile to his brother, then 
         make his offering
   D. Matthew 18:15-17
      1. Context: a brother sinning
      2. Such presents a conflict between their conduct and God's 
         standard!
      3. Resolution: go to that brother in private, appeal to him
      4. If that fails, bring in witnesses; if that fails, take it 
         to the church
      5. If they will not heed the church, let him be as a Gentile 
         or tax collector
   E. Acts 15
      1. Doctrinal conflict: Gentiles and the Law of Moses
      2. Considered by Apostles, elders in Jerusalem
      3. Cases made on the basis of the Scriptures, the work of God 
         among the Gentiles
      4. Resolution determined by the Holy Spirit, Apostles, elders
   F. Romans 14
      1. Conflict: whether to eat meats or not
      2. Paul advises the brethren to work together, not to put a 
         stumbling block in the ways of others
      3. The "strong": give up your liberty willingly to not cause 
         offense
      4. The "weak": do not condemn the "strong" for their belief
   G. Galatians 2:11-14
      1. Conduct conflict: Peter's hypocrisy
      2. Paul stands and opposes him to his face, indicates his error
   H. We can recognize that we will have conflict, and we have 
      guidance here about how to handle conflict
   I. What are we to do?

III. Handling Conflict
   A. We must first recognize that the conflict must, indeed, be 
      dealt with!
      1. In all the examples we've considered, we have not seen a 
         conflict that was left open and unresolved
      2. There is even an expectation to resolve conflicts when they 
         arise!
      3. If something has been said or done that causes enough 
         difficulty to cause anxiety, anger, strain, frustration, 
         or the like, and a disagreement is present about something, 
         it ought to be dealt with in some way!
      4. Proverbs 12:25; 14:10; 15:13
   B. We can also see that the conflict must be dealt with personally 
      and with the person(s) involved!
      1. In the examples we considered, we did not see anyone talking 
         behind the backs of others-- we see that the people
         themselves spoke to the other party in the conflict
      2. It was not left to simmer and boil over in another time of 
         difficulty!
      3. It was also not taken to a preacher or elder or someone 
         else for them to deal with it!
      4. If we have a cause of conflict with another, we must follow 
         God's commands and examples and ourselves deal with them
   C. Yet how should we deal with these conflicts?
   D. Pray
      1. 1 Thessalonians 5:17, James 1:5-7, 1 Peter 5:6-7
      2. God cares for us, desires us to cast our anxieties on Him, 
         and desires us to seek after His wisdom!
      3. If we can pray regarding the conflict unreservedly to God, 
         it means that we either have a conflict that does need 
         addressing or we've become quite hardened in heart!
      4. We ought to ask God for wisdom in instruction about how to 
         handle the conflict
      5. We should pray for humility, gentleness, and respect, so 
         that we may be able to win over our brother 
         (cf. Colossians 4:6)
   E. Seek counsel
      1. If you have questions about how to handle the conflict, 
         or even if it is worth addressing with others, you can also 
         seek counsel from brethren you trust and respect
      2. The elders, the deacons, the evangelist, or another strong 
         brother or sister
      3. You can ask them what they think about the situation and 
         what they think you should do
      4. There is no need to bring up names at the beginning!
   F. Assess the Conflict
      1. What is the nature of the conflict?
      2. Is it a matter of Biblical significance, a matter of 
         liberty, or a matter of personal preference 
         (cf. Romans 14:17)?
      3. Is the disagreement significant enough and bothersome enough 
         to need addressing, or is it something that we must overcome 
         personally?
      4. If we pray about it and gain counsel about it, we can get 
         other eyes to see the situation, and can better assess what 
         to do next
   G. Consider Ourselves
      1. Assuming the conflict is of significance, we should then 
         consider ourselves
      2. What are we trying to do in this conflict?  Whose purposes 
         are we serving?
      3. Are we being humble servants of God who seek to encourage 
         each other to work in God's Kingdom, or are we being 
         judgmental hypocrites (Ephesians 4:11-16 versus 
         Matthew 7:1-5)?
   H. Approaching the Conflict
      1. We then must provide some forethought in how we will handle 
         the conflict
      2. No one likes being wrong, and no one likes being confronted 
         with disagreements
      3. We must take special care to conduct ourselves properly!
      4. Psalm 4:4 / Proverbs 15:28: consider how we will speak
      5. 1 Peter 3:16: we ought to speak with gentleness and respect
      6. 1 Corinthians 13: our actions should be done out of love, 
         and our words and actions ought to reflect the attributes 
         of love 
      7. Romans 14:8-13: we must remember that we are approaching 
         fellow children of God who have equal worth and dignity in 
         the eyes of God, and we are no better or worse than they, 
         and to treat them appropriately
   I. Speak with the Person(s)
      1. Having done these things, we can speak with the person(s) 
         involved with our concerns
      2. If we win them over, well and good
   J. The Next Step (Matthew 18)
      1. If the person(s) involved will not listen, then we must 
         take it to witnesses
      2. This may be when the elders get involved, if necessary
      3. If they will still not hear, it may need to be taken to 
         the whole church
      4. If it is a matter of sin, then the person may need to be 
         disassociated from
      5. If it is not necessarily a matter of sin, you have at 
         least done what you are required to do, and God will 
         judge in the end (Romans 14:12)

IV. Conclusion
   A. Conflicts are bound to come up whenever people are involved
   B. What are we going to do about them?
   C. Are we going to talk about it with everyone but the people 
      involved, avoid confrontation, and let disagreements turn 
      into strife, contention, and discord, which is sin 
      (Galatians 5:19-21)?
   D. Or are we going to follow the commands and examples of the 
      Bible and personally with love speak with the one with whom 
      there is conflict so that resolution may be gained, and 
      everyone can move on and get back to building up the 
      Kingdom?
   E. The choice is ours!
   F. Let us strive to have the courage to follow God's will and 
      handle conflicts when they arise!
   G. Invitation/songbook

Ethan R. Longhenry / deusvitae at hotmail.com
Evangelist, church of Christ in Norwalk, Ohio [norwalkchurch.org]
Homepage: deusvitae.com
AIM: Deus Vitae / ICQ: 28317056
Y! IM: discipuliiesus