[Biblemat] Domestic priorities (question/answer)

[Don Martin]

Hello Bill,

Thank you so much for your question and for making use of Bible
Questions. Please do so again. http://www.biblequestions.org  Please
check out Bible Truths http://www.bibletruths.net  Go to the archives
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You asked:

What does the Bible say about importance of a marriage relationship
vs our relationship with our children. In what order should our priorities
be? Should we place our children ahead of our marriage?  Shouldn't our
relationship with God be first then our marriage (spouse) then our kids.
Seems to me that your marriage relationship needs to be placed before
your kids our or there won't be a home for the kids.

Reply:

It is good that you are thinking about priorities, especially in
relationship to God and various God enjoined duties.  Indeed, the
scriptures teach priority, God and his righteousness come first over all
(Matt. 6: 33). Establishing the order of ascendancy in matters all enjoined
by God can become more tedious.  For instance, in the line of duty to God
is the area of domesticity involving secondary duties to husband, wife,
parents to children, and children to parents, respectively (Eph. 5: 22-6:
4). Most, I think, realize and agree that the godly husband or wife first
have a responsibility to God.  Hence, Paul wrote pertaining to the wife
that she is to, "...submit herself unto her husband as it is fit in the
Lord" (Col. 3: 18).  The area of priority responsibility that can pose
the greatest challenge in the circumstance of contradistinction involves
children.  Does the husband/wife have more priority responsibility to their
children than to each other?  If the question pertained to children versus
God, the answer would be easy (Matt. 6: 33).  Due to the helplessness
of babies and shall children, I personally believe the greater priority, if
there must be such a situation, would involve the husband/wife to their
children. The man and woman who elect to bring into this world a child
have placed themselves in a circumstance of being directly responsibility
for both the physical and spiritual welfare of the helpless child (Eph. 6:
4, I Tim. 5: 8).  A simple example could be if five year old Johnny
needs some special medical attention and the money that Ed has set
aside to celebrate his and Jane's anniversary is the only available money,
then I believe both Ed and Jane should put Johnny first.  Fine tuning the
Focus a little more, Ed should put Johnny over Jane and Jane should place
Johnny in higher priority than Ed.  For about eighteen years, our children
are the center of our world and responsibility.  They must be first
considered in our decisions, interests, and values.  I say this with it
understood that God is always first (Matt. 6: 33).  Having said the
foregoing,  I must insert that while children come first, both the husband
and wife need to also focus on and develop their own relationship, knowing
that one day their children will leave and it will be just the two of them
(Eph. 5: 22f., Gen. 2: 24).  In closing, in the ideal situation there should
be no conflict in placing God always first and parents selflessly placing
the needs of their children over themselves. Godly parenting is an exercise
in selflessness.  The virtuous mother  of Proverbs 31 is observed addressing
both the needs of her children and husband (vs. 10 following).

I suggest you read, "The Home as God Intends it" in
www.bibletruths.net  When on the home page, enter through the door and
click on "Archives and index" in the directory.  When on the Archives page,
click on the letter "F."  Here is an excerpt from the article:

     "...The flagrant disregard on the part of couples for the God given
sphere and roles involved in biblical marriage. The husband is the head, the
wife in submission, and the children submit to their parents, this is what
the Bible irrefutably teaches (Eph. 5: 22-6: 4). Many families today, alas,
are in a state of total chaos as they reject God's teaching. Women are so
busy in pursuing their secular careers and the men are busy being one of
the boys. Children are often left at home alone to entertain themselves by
watching the filth that is too often seen on television and videos.

     Beloved, since God is the author of the home, He knows what is
needed for the home to not only survive, but to also prosper. It is not too
late to restore the home, the root of so many of the societal problems that
are tearing down our wonderful country. It all begins with you and me as
individuals. Let us make the home a place that our children will cherish
when they grow older and can use to help them model their own homes.
(For related reading, see "The Modern Family," simply click on to
read.)...."

Thanks again for your good question and for your interest in spiritual
matters. I recommend that you print out this email for future reference
(web addresses, etc.). You may print out any material you desire in both
Bible Questions and Bible Truths (see the copyright provision at the
bottom of the home page in Bible Truths).

Cordially,
Don Martin